Coffee Enemas

“I’ll have a quad venti white mocha heavy on the whip!”
But up my butt?

Coffee can be an incredible cure for cancer, but not when sipped from a cup.

Our liver has one primary purpose: to clean our blood. Our blood circulatory system, as a result of absorbing all of that really greasy, fattening food we all love to eat, becomes simply saturated with goop. This causes, among other things, our liver to become overwhelmed.

That is when our bile duct steps in. It’s purpose is to drain the liver and to let all of that goop out. The goop flows down through the intestinal tract where its dropped into the nearest toilet and flushed away to who knows where.

But sometimes when unaided our bile duct becomes a little too slow, and our liver a bit too backed up. That’s when the bad stuff happens. Much like when a really great car is constantly fed really bad gas and the car’s engine gets clogged. So does our body when our liver becomes so full it can no longer keep our blood system clean.

During those moments it is time to find a nice place to lay down where you’re very comfortable. Make certain you’re close to a toilet! Then let someone you trust, with whom you don’t mind being a little intimate, stick a tube up your butt. And while you are holding your breath and counting, or listening to some soothing music on your earbuds, your friend, to whom you now have revealed everything, slowly lets warm diluted coffee trickle up into your lower orifice. Flowing deep into your lower colon. Until it reaches your bile duct. And voilà!  The bile duct, feeling that warm coffee sensation, opens up its doors and literally dumps out all the goop down its poop shoot from where it was attached to your liver.

Allowing you to live and drink another delicious mocha cappuccino another day!


–  Hans Carl Clausen  –





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